2017 was our 20th year online!

Welcome to the Piano World Piano Forums
Over 3 million posts about pianos, digital pianos, and all types of keyboard instruments.
Over 100,000 members from around the world.
Join the World's Largest Community of Piano Lovers (it's free)
It's Fun to Play the Piano ... Please Pass It On!

Shop our online store for music lovers
SEARCH
Piano Forums & Piano World
(ad) SWEETWATER Cyber Week Deals
(ad)
Best of Piano Buyer
 Best of Piano Buyer
(ad)
Faust Harrison Pianos
Faust Harrison 100+ Steinway pianos
(ad)
Wessell Nickel & Gross
PianoForAll
Who's Online Now
57 members (brdwyguy, Abdol, b4xter, BravoRomeo, 36251, An Old Square, Animisha, 15 invisible), 655 guests, and 469 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
(ad)
Estonia Pianos
Estonia Pianos
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Hop To
Page 1 of 2 1 2
Joined: May 2001
Posts: 53
Steve Offline OP
Full Member
OP Offline
Full Member
Joined: May 2001
Posts: 53
My daughter started piano lessons in 2nd grade and is now in her 6th year. The last couple of months or so, she has been saying that she hates piano, hates practice, hates the music, etc and wants to quit. I don't know if I should insist that she continue or let her stop. ANY advice will be appreciated!!

(ad)
Piano & Music Accessories
piano accessories music gifts tuning and moving equipment
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 182
O
Full Member
Offline
Full Member
O
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 182
Not the final word, just an opinion:

Piano lessons should be fun and interesting. Even though I've made my living from teaching (and performing), I quit my first very accomplished teacher after three years (14 years old). I picked it up a couple years later with different teachers but I knew that it had become a chore even though I really wanted to play contemporary music very well.

If you really want her to enjoy it and get the most out of it, let her input be important. After all, it's for 'her' that you want her to take lessons, not 'you'. She has her whole life to change her mind or decide to devote more time to it. If she never does, then she made the right choice by opting out. But if you heed her cry for 'relief', she won't view the piano as a negative...the way she certainly will if forced.

Stopping lessons does not automatically correlate to being a quitter or giving up. She wants a break, she's put time into it and she certainly got a lot out of it for six years. It's never all for nothing.

The only alternative is ask her if it is the teacher she disagrees with. Or, maybe the piano/keyboard is extremely poor and not conducive to continued play. It took a few teachers and some growing up to realize that the right teacher is really important. That's why I don't force feed miserable songs to my students or neglect their input. Sure, you're paying for an musical education...but has to be fun or you might as well just ask her to stay after school everyday and see if she likes that. You can have fun, enjoy what you're doing and get educated at the same time...if you have the right teacher and a reasonable desire to continue.

Sometimes folks ask me if they should stop their child from taking lessons because they only practice a minimal amount. I respond that if the child enjoys the lessons, but has poor practice habits, there is still much to be gained just from having the weekly lessons. In your case, she hates everything...unless 'she' can come up with a scenario that might rekindle some interest..I would simply oblige her and give her some breathing room and perspective (time off).

Hope it helps.

Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 237
Full Member
Offline
Full Member
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 237
I am not a parent, not am I a teacher, but this post resonated with me, so I thought I would post my experience and humble opinion.

As a child, I had several hobbies/activities, the main ones were ice skating, ballet, and piano. In skating, I made it to the level of double jumps after several years of daily early morning and after school practices with a private coach; I quit skating after about five or six years, I think.

In ballet, I excelled much more, having been in the Chicago Tribune/Arie Crown Theater production of "The Nutcracker" four years, taking classes with many well known teachers at well known schools in Chicago. I quit that after about six years also. I went to classes every day after school and all day Saturday.

Then I announced I was quitting piano lessons as well. I wanted to be a cheerleader in high school, and hang out with my friends. My mom said, "well, you quit skating, and you quit ballet. I am putting my foot down and you are _not_ quitting piano."

I wasn't thrilled at the time, but I am _so_ happy now that she didn't allow me to quit. Turns out, I am pretty good at the piano, and ended up getting a minor in piano at college. Now I entertain myself and others, and thoroughly enjoy all that my talent and hard work (ongoing, of course!) has done for me.

I think sometimes kids need to be sent in the right direction. As a teenager, I didn't know the important parts of life from the fluff. I also learned a lesson about keeping my nose to the grindstone, accomplishing through hard work, and learned what it feels like to be proud. My mom knew better than I did. Your situation may be different than mine. Just wanted to relay my thoughts. smile

Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 4,513
T
4000 Post Club Member
Offline
4000 Post Club Member
T
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 4,513
My position with my kids is that music is a mandatory subject, just like math, science, and English.

However, there are a lot of options available, and I let them negotiate what they want and will fill their schedule. There is band, choir, guitar club, church groups, praise bands, etc.

Piano is a solo activity and an eighth grade girl is very much a pack animal. I would suggest offering a break from the lessons, and trying something like band or choir. The background she has from piano will make the transition easy, and those really are more fun.


gotta go practice
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 309
M
Full Member
Offline
Full Member
M
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 309
What TimR said. laugh

As a mom of two high school kids and one college girl, what I'm hearing from your post is, "I have a Thirteen-year-old." That pretty much explains everything right there. laugh

Thirteen tends to be a big breakaway year. So is Eighth Grade. She needs to prove that she's her own person. Well, actually, she's been working on that since she was two, but now it's getting to where the rubber meets the road--she's looking ahead at High School next year (to get the true 8th grade "clutch" effect, you have to put that in all-caps and put a lot of "eek" smilies after it, like, "HIGH SCHOOL!!! eek eek eek ".

So she's needing to break away a bit, and one of the things that maybe she needs to break away from is the mold of "serious geeky piano student".

Also, there may simply be "time" issues. I have a ninth-grade girl right now, and her 8th grade year, we basically never SAW her, I mean, she was like never home, she was always out somewhere with her posse. So your daughter may just be preferring to budget her time differently, with "more" for the Posse and "less" for the piano.

Also, at school they're starting to put pressure on 8th graders to start thinking of careers, so she may be feeling some kind of subconscious pressure from either you or her piano teacher to make "piano" a career choice, and maybe she doesn't want to, and the only way she can think of to distance herself from that is to drop piano altogether.

Anyway, ultimately my advice to you is, "This too shall pass." Let her give the piano a rest for a while; she'll come back to it eventually. Maybe not for 20 years, true, but it'll always be there, under her belt.

Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 1
C
Junior Member
Offline
Junior Member
C
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 1
Maybe it's the teacher? And if your daughter hates the music, what's going to make her want to practice? I started lessons when I was around 8, went through two teachers (bad and OK) before I quit a couple of years later (it was OK with my parents). There was no spark, and I just didn't want to devote the time necessary for practicing. I thought the music was so boring... baby stuff, mostly. But after a couple of years of no music somehow I or my mom found a new teacher and we really hit it off, we were a good fit, personality-wise, did serious classical training and that lasted until I was in college and just couldn't devote the time necessary to keep up at that level. I was sorry to have to say goodbye. I say, don't force her to take lessons if she hates it, but first try to find a way to make it work for her.

Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 99
Full Member
Offline
Full Member
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 99
Sit down and find out from her what bothers her: practice time, boring pieces, need a break(burnout), too many other activities/pressure/friends, bad teacher, too much work at school etc. I don't think your daugther really hates piano but maybe the environment she's in right now is not working for her and need adjustments or new directions or a break.

One of my daughters is in 5th grade(started piano 4 years ago, the 2nd grader started 2 years ago) and still doing her part but I am sure in the future there will time when she might want to quit or taking a break due to new teeage things and changes. Right now I am taking it easy and try to find good pieces for her that she enjoys playing plus her exam pieces. BTW she has been playing AYSO soccer as well which might give a break from piano.

Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 1,124
1000 Post Club Member
Offline
1000 Post Club Member
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 1,124
Maybe your daughter just isn't "clicking with the piano." This happens to alot of people; talented gymnasts leave for something they like more, piano players obviously, etc.. It won't hurt to take a few years off, or if she takes a lifetime off. I know it must hurt a parent to see an obviously gifted child leave their forte, but it's sometimes a good thing.

Joined: May 2001
Posts: 53
Steve Offline OP
Full Member
OP Offline
Full Member
Joined: May 2001
Posts: 53
Thanks for all of your thoughts. I don't think
that my daughter really "hates" piano as she says
that she does. I know that she likes her teacher. She is finishing up Alfred's level 6 book this year. The teacher supplements that with a heavy dose of classical. I don't think my daughter likes the classical pieces very much. I think she would be happy with more contempory or jazz pieces. So, I really think she finds the music to be a chore. She is very good with piano and it comes very naturally and easily for her. She likes to play what she likes. And, as MATHILDE said, she is "13" which is a whole new world. I may talk with the teacher and see about changing the music. Maybe a mix of classic and contemporary
might suit her. I hate to push her if she's unhappy but hate to see her quit because she is talented.

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 182
O
Full Member
Offline
Full Member
O
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 182
Interesting because now it sounds like your daughter's scenario is very close to mine. I was probably around 14 and had taken three years of lessons and was working on nothing much else besides sonatinas et al. I was a quick learner, but that type of music I never did very well at (at the time). Fortunately, at least my teacher exposed me to the music, for which I'm now rather grateful.

But, I really wanted to learn more jazzy music and contemporary radio music. I tried other teachers, and one really good one, but still couldn't get the jazz stuff that my friends were playing (I wanted to be able to play in a rock/jazz band). It wasn't until I went to music college that I got a good dose of that stuff. And the rest is history!

In retrospect, there was nothing my older teachers could've done to give me the music and styles I wanted to learn. They had little interest in improvising/blues etc. so how could they teach it? That is why I quite my first teacher. It was a stepping stone to finding a better course for me so I could see if I was serious enough about music to go to music school. In the end, by the time I went to music school I was really a beginner as far as jazz was concerned, but I learned enough to be able to eventually support myself by teaching and performing.

The funny thing is now I spend most of my time practicing those same sonatinas I dreaded at your daughter's age. So, who knows what the future will bring. I was fortunate enough to have a mother that obliged all my requests for different teachers. In the end, I think you just have to do what your daughter 'asks' for (within reason, of course) and everything will land appropriately one way or another.

One benefit for this whole experience for me is that I learned first hand how important it is to keep my 'own' students happy. To this day, I can't play classical music as well as my former teachers and probably never will. But, besides classical, I can teach kids/adults blues, improvisation, ear-training, whatever. So, there's a place for everybody as long as you have an interest and desire to learn or impart knowledge. You don't have to be the best, but simply good enough that you can make a difference to others where other teachers can't help.

Maybe there is the perfect piano teacher for your daughter hidden somewhere in town. Perhaps some off-the-path thinking could help get her hooked up properly. It wasn't until I got to high school that I met the friends that I wanted to follow into music school. Patience is important too.

Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 282
Full Member
Offline
Full Member
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 282
Steve,

Maybe I can give you a pespective of an experienced teacher and as a mother of 3 teen agers :rolleyes: laugh

Teacher's Perspective:
I have taught probably 150+ students, of all ages and abilities. I LOVE what I do. I focus mostly with the "classical repertoire"(broad term), BUT not every child enjoys only classical pieces. It's imperative to keep their interest at age 13 and up by supplementing their music with what interests them. Some students don't even know what other styles are out there. That's my job, to introduce other genres and keep their interest (as well as insisting on proper technic, theory, sightreading, eartraining, and performance opportunities). If the student truly wants to be a jazz musician, I can get them started, but I am happy to send them on their way to a more qualified Jazz teacher if that is their interest.

Also, as was stated about groups, your child might do well to study with a teacher that offers group theory instruction and provides opportunities for ensemble playing. At the moment, my students are preparing to play in an Ensemble Concert. There will be 13 grand pianos on the stage with 2 students at each piano, playing the same duet. (380 students participating in all) A literal "Piano Orchestra". This is a HUGE motivator for my students, because they realize that the are not alone. It also forces them to keep going and be prepared

Parents's Perspective:
I was a parent that insisted my oldest daughter begin piano at 5. She now plays beautifully, but......at the moment she isn't much interested in practicing and hasn't studied this past year (she's a senior in high school). There was A LOT of drama and arguing about practicing. She is proficient and is now grateful for my prodding (she even has 2 beginning students which are doing well)

My boys have both had lessons, but I've taken a completely different approach. I've listened more to what they wanted to do and encouraged their other interests. Everyone is much happier. Music is not an option, but the teacher and what instrument is negotiable. Will they be as accomplished as their sister? I don't know yet, but life is much more peaceful at our house!

Hope that helps!

cranky laugh

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 73
G
Full Member
Offline
Full Member
G
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 73
From my experience and that of people I know that took piano lessons and no longer play, if she stops now there is good chance that is it. Do your best get her to want to play.

When I was 9 I hated my piano teacher and the piano. Then lucky for me, she moved away. She told my parents that I had some talent and to not let me stop playing (she didn't say that about my brother who no longer plays). I did not want more lessons. So, my parents gave the piano lesson money on me. They paid me 10 cents for each page learned and auditioned. I got good and after a few years it went to 5 cents (might have been better if the music got harder instead). My style and scales may have been bad but in 4 years, I went from grade 3 piano pieces to grade 9 and could sight read grade 8. When I was 14 they threatned to make 1 cent a page so I choose to go go back to piano lessons. Most importantly I became a piano player, I am as addicted as ever 35 years later.


George
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 139
P
Full Member
Offline
Full Member
P
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 139
maybe it's b/c not everyone is called to be a pianist. me, for instance, if i wasn't called to do it, then i wouldn't like it. but then again, i woulda hated it years ago, b/c i thought it was boring. but your child may not be feeling as motivated or inspired right now. but maybe she takes it for granted b/c it's right at her disposal. as for me, i appreciate it more, b/c i'm gonna have to work really hard if i'ma get lessons.

Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 7,048
7000 Post Club Member
Offline
7000 Post Club Member
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 7,048
Steve, are you still reading this? You mentioned that you thought it was the music that your daughter was not clicking with. Have you tried changing the pieces she works on? Can she sing? Have you thought about helping her to do pop songs that she could sing and accomplany herself with?

In Japan, there is a fantastic magazine (published by Yamaha actually) that comes out every month with loads of sheet music in it. There are always maybe 2 or 3 classical selections, but the rest are things like film music and pop songs (many arranged in solo form and some with vocals) that are popular with teenagers and young people. Whenever there's a new movie, they often have the theme song and maybe some of the music from it (lots of Lord of the Rings music, Harry Potter music as well as Japanese animation music). I teach english as a second language, and at schools I often see the kids playing piano with their friends during the break times. What are they playing? Not Mozart, but maybe Harry Potter or Utada Hikaru (Japan's Avril La.. whatever her name is!) But the important thing is, they connect with the piano, and what they are playing is what their other friends are listening to, by playing for their friends, they can see the value of all that time spent practicing alone.

Is there anyway you could find some music like this for your daughter? I don't know if there are any publications like this in the U.S., but even if not, you should be able to find sheet music for songs that your daughter will think is cool. Good luck.


Started piano June 1999.
Proud owner of a Yamaha C2

[Linked Image]
[Linked Image]
[Linked Image]
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 139
P
Full Member
Offline
Full Member
P
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 139
i didn't know that. since Yamaha is my favorite brand of piano [next to Steinway]where do you get this kind of magazine? can you subscribe for it? i'ma sheet music fanatic.
maybe you need to give your daughter some sheet music that appeals to her, instead of the lame, boring, complex sheet music.

Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 408
B
Full Member
Offline
Full Member
B
Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 408
I would ask her to continue for a couple more months, and then if she still wants to quit, then let her quit.

I was in a similar position. I had lessons for 8 years, but after 6 to 7 years I wanted to quit. I wanted to stop lessons but keep playing for fun, teaching myself. But my parents forced me to continue with lessons, and as a result I didn't enjoy playing. It became a chore.

When I finally stopped lessons, I didn't play the piano at all for 2 or 3 years. I think that was because my last years of lessons were so unenjoyable. Now I've come back to playing the piano and I'm more interested in it than ever, but I think that had I stopped lessons when I wanted to, I would never have stopped playing.

Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 7,048
7000 Post Club Member
Offline
7000 Post Club Member
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 7,048
pianafetish, the Yamaha magazine is all in Japanese (of course the sheet music is in that international language, music! smile Do you speak Japanese by any chance?

The magazine is called "Gekkan Piano" (monthly piano) The home page for the magazine itself is pretty useless, but here's the link:
http://www.ymm.co.jp/magazine/piano/index.html

If you really wanted to take a look at one, ask at a Borders or somewhere to get you a copy (or you could order from amazon.com or amazon's japan page I assume). It's 500 yen, which is something like $6 US (or less?) I think.

Rittor publishing also has a fantastic Japanese magazine that comes out 4 times a year, which sheet music galore and a CD of all the music as it's arranged in the magazine (and for only about $12 US). This one has an English title, PIANO Style. So I wondered if it had an English language counterpart, but apparently not. Here's the link for that one
http://www.rittor-music.co.jp/hp/ps/index.html

Sorry to hijack the thread! But back to the subject of a young person who wants to quit, I think these kinds of magazines do a lot to make piano playing "cool" in Japan for younger people (and are just a great source of new sheet music for adults and piano teachers!) I've read that people in the US don't buy magazine and newspapers on the same scale that people do in Japan, so maybe these kinds of magazines would go under in the US, but they are such great sources of music and information and fun...


Started piano June 1999.
Proud owner of a Yamaha C2

[Linked Image]
[Linked Image]
[Linked Image]
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 139
P
Full Member
Offline
Full Member
P
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 139
all of it's in Japanese. all i know is Sayanora and Domo Arigato. but my sincerest apologies if i don't know any Japanese. i thought at least some of it would be in English.

Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 7,048
7000 Post Club Member
Offline
7000 Post Club Member
Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 7,048
Sorry Pianafetish!! It's too bad (not just for you, but in general), because there are tons (ok, more like 10) of piano-related magazines in Japan that are very good, but I don't think any of them have English counterparts.Sorry for hijacking the thread...


Started piano June 1999.
Proud owner of a Yamaha C2

[Linked Image]
[Linked Image]
[Linked Image]
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 139
P
Full Member
Offline
Full Member
P
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 139
well, you straight. it's alright. laugh

Page 1 of 2 1 2

Moderated by  Ken Knapp 

Link Copied to Clipboard
What's Hot!!
Pianos - Organs - & Keyboards, Oh My!
My first professionally recorded piece
---------------------
Visit Maine, Meet Mr. Piano World
---------------------
Posting Pictures on the Forums
-------------------
Forums RULES & HELP
-------------------
ADVERTISE on Piano World
(ad)
Pianoteq
Steinway Spiro Layering
(ad)
PianoDisc

PianoDisc
(ad)
Piano Life Saver - Dampp Chaser
Dampp Chaser Piano Life Saver
(ad)
Mason & Hamlin Pianos
New Topics - Multiple Forums
Working while pregnant
by Elsbels - 12/07/21 07:41 AM
Improve sound of Casiotone CT-S1
by Charline - 12/07/21 07:28 AM
Which pedals are compatible with Yamaha P-515?
by Olie222 - 12/07/21 05:32 AM
Constant instrument hopping: the recorder
by meghdad - 12/07/21 04:39 AM
Es920 production stopped??
by playplayplay - 12/07/21 12:07 AM
Download Sheet Music
Virtual Sheet Music - Classical Sheet Music Downloads
Forum Statistics
Forums42
Topics210,425
Posts3,151,145
Members103,545
Most Online15,252
Mar 21st, 2010
Please Support Our Advertisers

Faust Harrison 100+ Steinways

Dampp Chaser Piano Life Saver

 Best of Piano Buyer

PianoTeq Bechstein
Visit our online store for gifts for music lovers

Virtual Sheet Music - Classical Sheet Music Downloads



 
Help keep the forums up and running with a donation, any amount is appreciated!
Or by becoming a Subscribing member! Thank-you.
Donate   Subscribe
 
Our Piano Related Classified Ads
| Dealers | Tuners | Lessons | Movers | Restorations | Pianos For Sale | Sell Your Piano |

Advertise on Piano World
| Subscribe | Piano World | PianoSupplies.com | Advertise on Piano World |
| |Contact | Privacy | Legal | About Us | Site Map | Free Newsletter | MapleStreetMusicShop.com - Our store in Cornish Maine


© copyright 1997 - 2021 Piano World ® all rights reserved
No part of this site may be reproduced without prior written permission
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5